My best friend forwarded me an article on how to get over heartbreak. I should be an expert but it's also been awhile. I think the first time I ever experienced heartbreak was in 8th grade. I cheated on Harry with Tim and even then had such a strong conscience that I called Harry that night to admit what I had done. Of course our two week relationship was over the second I confessed. The next day I was the jezebel of my middle school. It was the first time I had ever felt rejected by a boy and I can remember playing "Strong Enough" by Sheryl Crow oh a couple hundred times, to get over it while attempting to mar my wrists with a butter knife. I always had a flare for the dramatic. Two weeks later, Tim admitted he had hooked up with me as a way to cope with his parents divorce. The things you go through when you're 12 will somehow always haunt you the rest of your life. And the guilt. It was awful. Yes, it was middle school but I still cringe when I think about how guilty I felt. I bore an invisible scarlet letter from that day on.
This weekend I broke it off for the second time in 8 months with my boyfriend and love of my life. We had been together steadily for 8 and a half years. Then 8 months ago, I broke up with him and a few weeks ago, asked him to take me back (which he did). I missed him, and I love him, even still and always will. But something was missing. I won't bore you with the details, only with the fact that despite my heartbreak, I know it's what I needed to do. So I did it again. I broke his heart for a second time, and the guilt is overwhelming.
I've been crying for the last three days but it became real on Sunday, and so thus spawned the article from my BF, and this blog for which I hope will help with this journey I've decided to take. The journey of finding and getting to know myself outside of a relationship, and figuring out my own path to happiness.
Lindsay , this is not only well written but a good tool to help sort your thoughts. I love you and I know you will come out on top . The 8th grade scenario doesn't make you a Jezebel it made you human , we all make poor decisions that we learn from by cheating on your 8th grade boyfriend you felt first hand the guilt and shame of deception . Who has molded you into a pretty put spoken forth coming person that you are today. As the great Adele says " sometimes it lasts in love but sometime it hurts instead." From my own experience I have learned that sometime it takes a broken heart to learn the lessons we need to learn to reach the next chapter of the story book of life. Maybe this is your turn to turn a page in your book and take time to learn the lessons of love and the lessons of heart ache . Feel it all cry every tear feel all the loneness that will eventually mold you into who you will become . Before you know the tears will be replaced by fond memories of your first love. So go forth Lindsay and figure out who the Lindsay you are becoming is with out a man by your side and once you know who this new Lindsay is and have embraced her you will find another love for this new Lindsay. You are a beautiful soul and I am confident that you will love again.
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